When Women Love Bad Boys

It is just as perplexing when you try to understand what drives some women to love bad boys as it is trying to understand why some wives occasionally say that they wish that when their husbands arrived home from work, the husband would just grab her, pick her up, throw her on the bed, and have his way with her. Why and where do these seemingly abnormal feelings and desires come from?

A few years ago, an interesting study revealed that during certain times of the month, women (including wives) may want a caring, sweet, fatherly man who will care for them and their children, whereas at other times of the month they may desire a rough “bad boy” type of man, or at least, that type of manner in a man. I have witnessed and experienced this firsthand.

Late one evening in the late eighties, I happened to observe an unshaven Caucasian man wearing dirty, sloppy-looking clothes who was holding hands with a stunning Asian woman. He was smoking and would spit. I was disgusted with him. I couldn’t help but stare at them. I asked myself this question: “What does she see in him? What the hell is she doing with him? Is she crazy?” They didn’t appear to match at all. Many years later, my then soulmate Orchidia and I were having lunch at a nice restaurant by the beach. I wore special clothes for the occasion. As we sat in our window seats enjoying our meal, chatting and looking at the waves of the ocean and watching people walk by, Orchidia pointed and said, “Sometimes I like a man who looks like that.” I turned to look. I saw a strong, rough-looking, light-skinned male. He was unshaven and his shirt was unbuttoned. To me, he looked liked the neighbourhood brute.

“You like that?” I inquired.

Orchidia nodded. I was stunned. I couldn’t see what she could possibly like about the man. But later, something occurred to me: “Ooh,” I said, “is that why sometimes when you come by my house and I have just arrived from the gym and want to take a shower, you insist that I remain in those rough-looking clothes?” She replied, “Yes.” When Orchidia stopped by my home and I was wearing rough-looking clothes, she threatened to leave if I changed. On other occasions, she preferred to see me sharply dressed. This type of happening did not occur just between me and my soulmate, or the white man and the Asian woman.

On another occasion, when I was younger, I was once leaving work. Because it was cold, I was wearing Stone Ridge boots, a Tuk hat, cream-colored pants, and a turtleneck sweater under another thick sweater. My boss saw me leaving the building and said to me, and these were her exact words, “I see, you’re looking like a hoodlum and a thug. Do you want a ride home?”

“Sure,” I replied. During the drive home, I wondered why my boss would make such a statement. I thought she was being accusatory because I am black. It was not until she dropped me off and asked if I would like to meet up the following day after work for a date that I realized she actually liked that appearance.

On May 30th, KTLA—a U.S.-based TV station—as well as The Globe and Mail online, a Canadian-based newspaper, reported that researchers at the University of British Columbia confirmed that women often like bad boys, while men prefer women who are happy.

According to the report, about 1,000 female participants were shown pictures of men in three emotional states and were asked to state their sexual attraction to the men. The emotions were pride, happiness, and shame. In the study, the majority of the women were sexually attracted to men who appeared proud or had pride. Most male participants, on the other hand, were attracted to women who looked happy and less attracted to women who appeared proud. The test was not to determine if the women wanted to date or have a long-term love relationship with the bad boys. It was primarily to determine sexual attraction.

This confirms an earlier study where desire for a “bad boy” type became prominent only at certain times of the month in women. What Orchidia said to me also confirms that, as she put it, “sometimes” means they do not want a bad boy appearance all the time. As mind boggling as this may appear, really, how is this desire on women’s part any different from a smart, intelligent, and financially secure man who settles for or prefers a gorgeous bimbo or a beautiful stripper for his weekend outings?

As a result of this research finding and having experienced it myself, I recommend that a married man try out different clothes at different times and see how your wife responds, and then note how she reacted and remember what it was that you wore and your appearance that you responded well to. You do not always have to be clean cut. During certain times of the month, look rough and tough—go for the “bad boy” look. The reason for this is simple: with any business, you please your customers, give them what they want. Give your significant other what she wants. It seems that the bad boy, tough look appeals to women sometimes because it makes them feel safe, secure, and protected in the arms of a strong, tough lover. The tough, bad boy look projects masculinity.

As for you women, give your man what he wants by being happy. Also, men have always loved beautiful women, so beautify yourself. Beauty is powerful. Your man will appreciate your efforts. It really is not rocket science for a woman to please her man with what she is wearing. It has been my experience that most women do make the effort to look sexy and beautiful for their men.

A word of caution for men: There will come a time—that is, if you have not already been asked this—when your woman will ask, “How do I look in my new dress?” or “Does this dress make me look fat?” while she does a small pose or spins around. Be careful how you respond. Remember that she has put a lot of thought into buying the dress, and spending those long hours getting ready and looking good for you. A man does not generally take too much care in his dress and appearance to try to please his woman, but quite the opposite is the case for many women. If for any reason you do not like what she is wearing, give her a response that will have an impact on her but in a supportive way.

Here is a suggestion as to how to do this. You can say: “It is not my favourite choice for you; it takes away from your beauty.” Imagine how she will feel if you say that. The secret is in your choice of words. Out of the choices, “I hate it” or “I don’t like what you are wearing” or “It takes away from your beauty,” which of the three responses do you think she would you like to hear? My advice to men when you find yourself being asked the question “Do I look fat?” is that you should choose your words carefully.