7 Secrets to Chart Your Course to Success in Love Relationships

Article Author: Ernest Quansah

Achieving success in a love relationship is not as difficult as it might seem. Just like anything, the first step is knowing how to go about it in the right way.

Men and women go into love relationships hoping they’ve made the right choice. Many think they’ve found “the one” and anticipate endless happiness, only to be disappointed yet again. Why is it so difficult to find the right person to love and who will love you back when we all hope that someday we will find true love? This hope—fed by a need to find acceptance, to be cared for, to feel safe and secure—is the driving force that keeps us searching after each failed relationship. And our need to be loved is perfectly natural, regardless of whether we come from a liberal background or a strict one.

Call me an eternal optimist, but I believe, as the saying goes, “There’s a right shoe for every foot.” Here are some basic steps to follow that will change your love life and make you the envy of your friends.

Secret 1: Know what you want. Clearly decide what it is that you hope to find in a love relationship. For example, is it happiness that you want? Is it just companionship? When you have defined what it is that you want, you need to find someone who is heading in the same direction.

Secret 2: Be strategic. The secret to finding lasting love begins with dating, so your dating approach must be strategic. For example, in many businesses, the objective is to provide certain services in exchange for a profit. Apply a similar approach to your love life. When you meet someone, ask yourself, how will having a love relationship with this person improve my life or give me what it is that I hope to gain?

Secret 3: Have a powerful incentive. People today are very cynical. They are used to being “sold to” and are looking for authenticity. Bring something to the table that will give your love interest a reason to commit to a long-term love relationship with you. People, for the most part, respond very well to incentives. I cannot stress this enough.

While I do not wish to preach, here is an example to illustrate how critical incentives are in causing people to act. Millions of people live a certain way in the hope that, at the time of death, they will inherit a mansion and a good life in heaven. If God sees it fit to offer the inheritance of a mansion and a good life in heaven as an incentive to cause people to act in a good way, can you understand why you cannot present yourself for a relationship without offering an incentive?

Secret 4: Seek confirmation. This next step is essential. Before you start the relationship, avoid another disappointment by seeking confirmation that the two of you belong together. Without confirmation, if you encounter problems early on, you might just leave the relationship. On the other hand, if you receive confirmation that the two of you belong together, you are likely to exercise the required patience. You can receive confirmation by taking time to ponder if the two of you are truly compatible and allow the answer to be revealed to you.

Secret 5: Nurture the relationship. It is very important to understand that no love relationship offers 100% of what the two people in it want. Often, what is missing can be added. For example, if your partner has no cooking skills, the two of you can learn how to cook together. Take up an evening cooking course. This can be loads of fun, and it beats finding fault in your partner because they don’t know the difference between the techniques of pan, sear, and sauté.

Secret 6: Be emotionally available. Be there for each other. Be each other’s number one best friend and remember that women love to be part of what their men like. For example, if you, the man, like a certain sport, include your partner in some way.

Celebrate one another’s successes and at the end of a day, but when everything has gone terribly wrong on a particular day, then provide a shoulder to cry on. Men, in particular, must learn this simple secret. When your partner has a problem and wants to talk, don’t prevent her by saying she will be okay. Know she will not be okay without support. Stop what you are doing and listen. She just wants to vent or cry and then she will be fine.

Secret 7: Have an exit strategy. We all go into relationships hoping we’ll find what we’re looking for—mostly happiness. Sometimes we inadvertently cause our relationship or marriage to end. My advice to you is simple in this regard. Have an exit strategy in advance: a way to exit with dignity and grace. Experts suggest that each of you should have your own financial identity. Then, if your companion or spouse decides to leave, you are financially prepared to support yourself.

In my experience, if men and women can follow these seven simple pieces of advice, their love relationship will blossom.